Shame On Me

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. 

– Randall Terry

My toxic element briefly came back into my life again. Shame on me, I allowed it to happen. It was enough to ruin Father’s Day for me. 

This is my way of coping and I needed to vent. It seemed to help the last time. Also there’s a special friend that helped me through it even though she doesn’t even know it. 

It’s amazing how quickly she can turn my mood and life upside down. I can’t let it affect me anymore than it already has. I already gave her more though and time than she ever deserves from me.

I thought she was completely out of my system and I hadn’t thought of her in a while. I was 100% happy with her out of my life. Why did I let her back in?

Her negative effect on me manifests itself physically . My body gets hot as if I  have a fever and my chest pounds. 

She strolled in and out of my life with her perfectly sculpted ass for a few days and the whole thing got me all rattled in ways that it shouldn’t. I should be in control of my emotions.

I’m I hurt? I’m I simply upset that I let her do this to me? 

I know I deserve better. I know I shouldn’t have answered her text. I should have blocked her number in the new phone too.

Why? Why?

In either case, I can’t let this episode throw off my progress. I need to keep on going and ensure it never happens again.

Thanks for reading. I didn’t want to end on a bad note. 

I’m glad I have this outlet now and get this thoughts out of system.

I need to remind myself of how fortunate I am and I need to be thankful for it all. I can’t take for granted my loved ones who are and will always be here for me. 

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5 thoughts on “Shame On Me

  1. Channel the energy for your run! This and writing it down to reflect will get you through. Don’t be mad at yourself, you got to work through the shit to get rid of it. You can be so proud of what you already achieved and it’s just getting better each day! Tip of the day: read your own past blog entries then you’ll realize it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks! Writing it down somehow helps, thus the entry about it. I know ‘time heals’ and all, but the quicker I get there the better.
      I’m at the point that it doesn’t evoke an emotion when my mind wonders to her. Progress. I’m sure soon I won’t even think about it, and that’s where I want and need to be.

      Liked by 1 person

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